“Still thinking…? What do you mean by that? You don’t know what will you do next!!, You have spent 20+ years of life and still, still you have no idea where you want to see yourself…!!”
A sudden knock at my room’s door pulled me out of the world of these questions. I looked at the cloak which was tickling above my head, it showed me that it was 5 pm then and I hadn’t gone out of my darkroom since morning.
Genuinely speaking, I didn’t feel any motivation to go out. Because of increasing pressure from society, friends and my own head, I preferred to sit alone in room. I was well aware, if I had socialized, the same questions would have been put before me whose answers I couldn’t found …
“Chachuuu, if you are not sleeping then open the door pleassseee” The gentle, melodious sound reached my ears.
I stood up and stepped towards the door. On opening my door, I found my niece, Ayzel, my seven years old angel. She was staring at me with her big and beautiful glittering eyes. Ayzel started speaking with her petal-like pink lips…“My sweet chachu, If, I tell you a secret, will you keep it to your self?” She asked innocently.
“Of course! My little angel and what is that secret?” I replied her with a grin on my face. On hearing that, she held my hand in her silk-like soft hands and took me towards the small garden of our home.
She looked around to assure no one was listening to us and started her words,“I know a magic! and you know what is that?.."
“Oh really!! Nanii amaa and what is that magiccc” I asked with a smile.
she again looked around and continued…
“I am seriousss chaachuuu” She said with confidence in her voice.
“Okay I am sorry, my mistake, I believe in you, now tell me about your magic, my doll”, I said gently.
“I put my chocolate here chachu and the magic I am talking about is that I can understand the language of anttts”, She tried to make her tone serious
And I managed to give her surprizing look and said, “ Ohh! Now I see… that is really a big magic but how you came to know this?”
“Now listen to me carefully, Chachu I put my chocolate here when I was playing…I saw ants were gathering here. Then they made a row but…but just after that the magic begun, I listened to the strange conservation… conversation between ants!!”
She waited for a moment to observe that was I really interested to listen or not and after confirming that I was really interested, she went on with her story…
She started telling me that story with all excitement and body language…
“Okay, Okay, you know how it happened! when that row of ants started moving,
I observed one ant that behaved strangely. She suddenly stopped and was blocking the way for other ants, on realising that she broke the row and came on side.
But you know chachuu, she was lost and was pale and was expressionless like… like a human, like you!! she reminded me of you when you seemed to beee loossttt…” she said last two words while lowering her tone as if those all words just slipped out of her tongue.
Then she tried to cover that thing up and continued her story…
“Wel!l well, listen what happened next,
Her friend (an other ant ) came in hurry to 1st ant and then they started speaking!!
2nd ant said in hurry “what are you doing and why are you wasting your time here? Come…(She tried to pull the 1st ant) we have to get along with others , you have already broken the row!”
The first ant as I mention before, Chachuu she was in the battle of emotions, so she pushed the 2nd ant away and asked her to leave her alone. “You think living the precious moment, taking a pause to breath is a waste of time? I don’t want to move like robots, I am sick of following the same line for years. I don’t care if they are moving ahead of me. I have no haste. My limits are over. I…I , I just can’t force myself further and I don’t want to walk on that path, your so called organized row, now leave and don’t bother me again” you got it?
The first ant uttered all those words in one breathe , chachuu
The 2nd ant was confused , and silent for few seconds. may be she was digesting her friend’s words… then she spoke, “hey mate, what happened ? did anyone say anything harsh to you?
“No” , a sharp and straight reply came from 1st ant’s side.
“Then get up, stop this melodrama! why are you behaving like this ? moving with others is our part of life, our job.”
“Melodrama… Ah! Well , then what if I don’t want it to be a part of my life and quit this way of living?” 1st ant put her question before her friend.
“Are you for real? How can you think like this? We have to do it otherwise we will loose. And what will you do if not this job? How will you live your life…You will be crushed alone!” 2nd ant said it stressing her each argument.
“It depends on me what I wish to choose and how can I loose something that I am not chasing at all. I am not fit for that row. This is not my race of life and no one can force me to run in an undesirable race.”
There was a gulf of silence between both ants…
Then the 1st ant took a deep breath and broke the silence herself…
“Look! I want to make my individual decision. I want to search for my own food that I like not to follow where the row takes me. I don’t disrespect their way but try to understand me…that is not my way. Even If you think I will regret it then I would be happy that I took my decision by myself and followed my heart. You tell me! is there any ant different from other? All are in same row, doing… no actually, “repeating” same things. We find food, make a row, go home, eat and sometimes save, and repeat same thing again but what else? Are we living? Is there any value about who wins at the end of the day! we all get to feed our body so what can we loose in such a life where we are not living really!! We don’t have time to take a breath, why…why this rush…?” 1st ant concluded with open end
“May be you are right. I never thought this way before but after listening to you today I also want to join you and break this row . But I am worried…, I… I have fears like what will we do? What will the ant society think about us?” The 2nd ant nervously asked.
“ Hey see , don’t worry about that, We will experience life from all angles, we will do what we love to do and we will eat what we like not anything that we are asked to eat and no one will ask us to follow them. We will pave our own way. Now coming towards your other concern about ant society… then my dear may be it will take time for them to understand us or may be they will never understand us but that is not our headache. You remember one of ants from our row that was crushed under feet, only after her death we came to know that she was also our part… right? So don’t bother yourself by thinking about such a society where we are just one in million”. 1st ant said all that with confidence in her voice and gave her last words.
“ You know what is the thing that flies without wings? It is time… TIME my friend, and it will not come back. May be today we both don’t clearly know that where we want to see ourselves in future but we clearly know where we don’t want to be and that is what makes the whole difference…”
The idea seemed very exciting to the 2nd ant too so she joined her friend. Both ants then went in an other direction.
But you know Chachu… with changing conversation, the mood and expressions of 1st ant were also changing!! Her paleness was vanishing away and her words could show her excitement and her burning desire for a new future” with these words Ayzel concluded her story.
I came back to my senses from the world of ants and hugged my little fairy. “You really have big magic my princess”, I kissed her forehead and rushed towards my room.
I turned on the light and got rid of that darkness. I stood in front of the mirror and started speaking…
“Ah… The world, my dear mighty, controlling world; you don’t let us dream and then blame us for not having any dream… ahhh… how pity… but now I have my answers. Even an innocent mind can create such a story and teach me a great lesson; even an ant can see her future based on her own decision then why can’t I…!! Of course I can. I can see myself having a satisfied life… A life that I actually live. A life , where I may not have a lot of bank balance at the end but I will surely have the treasure of memories . A life in which I will not get tired of my job because I will do what my passion asks me to. A life, where I will have time for my own self, family and friends. A life, in which I will not only feed my body but also my soul as well. I will have such life… yes such peaceful life.”
I got my answers only after realizing that at the end all that you have to do is to break the row.